Saturday, May 9, 2015

There's Always A Rainbow After The Darkness That Is Cast

It's coming up on two years since my grandfather passed away on Father's Day. The thought of him being gone now for two years kills me inside. That's two years I haven't seen his smile, heard his laugh, hear him tell me he needs me to do something for him, and having him tell me he loves me. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and talk to him wherever I am. I know he is watching over my family & myself every single second of the day, I hope I make him proud of how far I have come. Closer to becoming a RN, going to be Getting MARRIED to the most amazing, loving, caring, handsome, funny man and who is the love of my life. He reminds me so much of my grandpa is so many ways and the love he gives to everyone around him is a love that can make a person feel very lucky. The craziest part of it all is that even when we didn't know it some how we already seen each other around more times then we could count over the years since we were young. God always has a plan in place and even if we try to figure it out, we will never know until he sees that it's time. I can't wait to Marry My SoulMate. I just wish my grandpa would be here to see it and walk me down the aisle. School is definitely crazy but exciting all at the same time! Fitness goal is coming along farther then I was before. I turn 26 this year Crazy I Know!! I can say that I do feel very blessed & lucky to have such an amazing man by my side through it all, an amazing family to be (in-laws), and my family & friends. This is just a post for myself really, to just write down all the thoughts on my mind since I'm still awake.
Even after going through one of the hardest moments in my life & not knowing how if come out from it and then  a rainbow is what was ahead. God has his way of helping us get through the hardest and most difficult times in our lives and reminds us no matter how hard it can be to keep going on in life, he shows us there is more to come in his plans for us. 

"Be Completely Humble And Gentle, Be Patient, Bearing With One Another In Love"-Ephesians 4:2-
 
“They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies.” ~ Williams Penn~ 

         Miss You My Welo Everyday 


                So In LOVE 



           The Day He Proposed

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That's what I hope to give you forever." - The Notebook





Saturday, March 23, 2013

How So Much Changes In A Short Amount Of Time

Life changes in a instant & I had to realize that the hard way sadly. My grandfather took a turn for the worse about 3 months ago & Dr's give him a few months left with us sadly but I am cherishing every moment i have with him. I help take care of him, he is currently on hospice & he has some amazing nurses so we are blessed for that as well. We have had many ups & downs & let me tell you it certainly is not the easiest thing to go through your whole world turns upside down when a loved one takes a turn for the worse you have to adjust your entire life. My grandma & myself take care of him on a daily basis & days when hes having a bad day i have to stay strong so that my grandma knows it'll be ok & when he gets mad at me or yells ( due to his meds he does that) but i just say ok & when i get the chance i step outside breathe & cry & pray. Prayer has played a major part in helping me cope with everything that has happened, its helped me because i know God has a plan & we all have a time but he is also giving me just a bit more time with my grandfather & for that I'm thankful. I have put my focus into school though as well when i get free time i study & get homework done & also study for my exams i have. I have also started exercising daily & that helps so much because if I'm stressed out i work my ass off working out & push myself till i cant anymore. I have been losing so much more weight & slimming down. I will get to my goal this year & so far i have done one Hell Of A Job & for that i am Proud Of Myself. Well enough venting for me for one night will write more soon!




Jessica Marie Ruiz
Xoxo

Saturday, January 12, 2013

End of 2012 & The Begging of 2013

Well the end of 2012 Ended in a Sad yet Happy way.
I say sad because so much happened near the end of the year. Some people who i was close to like family where no longer in my life, sadly i know why it happened but i saw it as they were placed in my life for a reason & yes till this day I miss the daily talks but I smile now cause they taught me so much & helped me through some tough times & if it wasn't for them i probably wouldn't have gotten through them. 

Then my grandpa got very sick & was rushed to the hospital things were looking very bad & my family was at a breaking point. That night I felt like my world was going to come crashing down on me but I had to stay strong for my family especially my grandma & grandpa at that time. They needed me to be strong and as much as i wanted to just break down i couldn't. They admitted him & he was there for a few weeks Dr's told us there were giving him a few weeks to a month or more to be with us & they sent him home right before Christmas on Hospice. I was so happy to have him home after all those nights both my aunt & myself stayed over night by his side at the hospital it was so good to have him home. I remember the night after he was rushed to the hospital i came home and showered around 11pm and took a hot shower and just cried and prayed while in the shower for god to just be at my grandpas side and let him be okay and to be with my family at this time and when i got out the shower i dried off and at that moment i looked back into the shower and i saw on the shower wall a silhouette of a guardian angel at that moment i dropped to my knees and started crying and praying. My uncle was asleep and so was my grandma so i took a photo so i could show them as soon as i woke up. The next morning i showed my grandma and she broke down crying saying before her mom passed away she told her that my grandpa was always my grandmas angel. We showed my grandpa he cried and showed the family and his nurses they all said he has a guardian angel at his side right now it was a beautiful thing. We had a amazing blessed and happy Christmas with my grandpa and family. I never heard as many laughs nor seen as many smiles as i did on Christmas eve and after that. My grandpa has smiled and cried since hes been home. It been a rough time but i am cherishing every moment I have left with him. 

Since he's now on hospice I help him with so much as does my grandma and uncle. It hasn't been easy we have some very rough days and at those times we just want to break down and cry but we cant we have to stay strong to push through because we know its only going to get harder from here. Its now 2013 and this year i don't know what it holds I'm taking it all a day at a time cause that's all i can do is take it a day at a time and cherish every second of it with family especially my grandpa. Those who really know me know that my grandparents mean The World to me and i don't know what i would do with out them. We have had a wonderful experience with Hospice so far they are so caring and my grandpa has some wonderful nurses who come by twice a week to see him. They also are here for myself and my family through this. Within the next 2 weeks my grandpa wants my grandma to go take care of his funeral arrangements so that they are taken care of when he does pass. For me that makes me scared and sad because in my head I'm thinking once he knows its all taken care of and knows everything is done he will say okay hes done fighting and I'm so SCARED of that, yes i know NO ONE is Ever Ready for it nor prepared but i don't want to lose him I sit here crying as i type this because I'm so scared to lose the man who's been a father to me growing up my grandpa but i know i don't want him to suffer and i cant be selfish and want to have him this way but I'm scared to lose him. I know hes tired and i think that's why hes fighting cause hes worried about what will happen to my grandma and myself and family. My grandma is his soul mate they have been married 50Years and the marriage they have is the marriage I want someday because they have a strong love that is so rare these days. Why am i bawling my eyes out right now?!?!?!?! i feel so weak and vulnerable every time the thought of losing my grandpa pops into my mind because i don't want that day to come and all this talk about arrangements make me so sad and emotional. I just want to scream right now


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!


OKAY Sorry just needed to let it out right now.
Well I am also trying to focus on myself while going through this tough time. I figured out a way to release some stress and that's by working out and kicking my butt twice as hard because I Will Get To Where I Want To Be & This Year I will get to a good spot on my own doing this. I am so proud of myself and where I'm at right now with losing weight, yes i know i could be in a better place but hell I've come a long way already and at this point some will have said "shes still is going, i would've thought she would've given up by now!" NOPE I am NOT Giving Up because I am determined to reach my goal and I know i will!!
Okay well enough for me crying and going on but I will leave you all with this quote that has helped me some with what i am going through right now and I hope it helps you if your going through a rough time right now.



"And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you wont be the same person who walked in."

 









Saturday, July 30, 2011

Changes In Myself Over The Years

So This is going to be about My Journey & Battle With Weight.
Not many of you may know this but I am not always the happy smiley girl and I have had to deal 
with my own weight demons in my life growing up. 
Here is My Story:

My name is Jessica & I’m currently 22 years old. 
I have always dealt with weight problems since I was a child. 
The last time I can remember I was skinny was when I was around the age of 6 years old. I was raised by my grandparents when I was born till I was around the age of two. I grew really close to them as a child and till this day I have a very close bond with them. My parents haven’t really been your typical mother and father. My father was always in trouble with the law and was in jail because he was a drug addict and an alcoholic. My mother was a trouble maker as a kid and dropped out of high school, she was also a drug addict and she loved to drink. My mother was forced to go to a woman’s rehab center in order to get her daughters back. After having her three daughters she decided to continue with the life style she was living.
As a child I would always say I was adopted because I did not like the home situation I was living. My older sister was playing the role of mine and my younger sister’s mom for years. My parents divorced when I was in middle school because my mom wasn’t going to put up with the way my father was. All I wanted as a kid was to have loving parents and have them go on field trips, back to school nights and stuff like that but not my parents instead they loved going out late and keeping us with them in the streets late at night. I started gaining weight when I was in the fifth grade. Kids would always make fun of me and call me names like fatty, tubby, fat girl. As I grew up the name calling got worse and the names just kept coming. When I went into high school I was so scared because I knew it was going to be hell and kids where going to make fun of me and call me horrible names. At that point in my life food became comfort to me and didn’t talk back or make fun of me. I tried at that point to move in with my grandparents because I could not take my living situation anymore and well that didn’t go as planned at all because  my mom ended up dragging me out of my grandma’s house and drove away and beat me in the car. After that she moved us into a hotel room from which I lived for 6months. My mom got back with my dad and at that time she was feeding his drug habits and catering to him and his needs instead of me and my sisters. The six months I was in that hotel room all there was to eat was junk food, snacks, candy, and soda. So for six months that became my life I was living. I am so shamed to this day to admit to it because I let myself go downhill at that point and I honestly didn’t care anymore I told myself I was going to die and no one would miss me one bit at least my parents wouldn’t. All I wanted was someone to tell me I love you and we are going to fight this battle. After six months I was tired of that and moved in with my grandparents, I graduated high school and that brings me to where I’m at today. I enrolled in college but when I went I expected it to be different from high school but it wasn’t. 
I have now been losing weight & there is such a big difference from where I used to be till now. I may not be skinny but I am not the big big girl anymore I'm just the curvy girl who continues to lose weight. I will NOT GIVE UP EVER that is a promise I made about a year ago & whether or not people judge me that's fine its there opinion on if they do so or not. I have been judged by friends & even family but if anything its made me so much stronger. I did learn a few things though If someone is going to Love you they will Love you No Matter what whether your skinny or big, tall or even short. When it comes to loving someone it should Never be about there outward appearance It should be about who they are Inside look past there outward image and look deep in there soul gaze in there eyes & see the passion & love & fight they have inside them. Never judge someone because I am sure you have been judged & did not like it one bit. What I'm trying to say is I'm not perfect not in one bit but I love myself & I am not the type to judge someone because I love so many amazing people. I am continuing to lose weight not for anyone but for myself.
I am Happy & I have learned that gives me a new drive & push.
I am now going to be posting some photos from past to present 
Please no harsh or negative comments Because I Have Lost
A Good Amount Of Weight I used to be a BIG girl now 
Im Losing the otherhalf & I am Curvy!!




Thank You Love Always,
Jessica Marie Olmedo




Expect The Unexpected

Well I turned 22 in June & since then so much has gone one.
 My family has been there for me through so much these past few months with dealing with my knee & I finally will be getting knee surgery to fix my knee in 2months & it's been a long year waiting but finally I can be pain free.  
My niece is about to turn 3yrs old next Wednesday
August 3rd & I cant believe how grown she is & how that little girl has changed the
past 3yrs of my life she's my little lovebug & I love her more than anything!!

My friends have been amazing to me in supporting & believing in me & my journey in losing weight & I have come a Long way & I continue to lose weight, I may not have a tiny waist & I may have curves more than some but I am Beautiful & a Strong Woman!!
What helped me was Amazing Friends Believing in me & Family but 
also receiving a letter from my friend who passed away a few months ago she said
"Your are an Amazing & beautiful person inside & out please don't ever doubt this. 
Every morning you should say
"I am Beautiful & worth while person"
those words I took to heart & they mean a lot & hearing the words
" I'm Proud Of You " mean more than any of you will ever know.

Happiness is the best medicine in this world & lots of love
to those who feel down & at there worst remember Someone out there Loves you more than you know and don't ever give up in life because God loves you & everyone around you loves you as well.

Love Always,
Jessica Marie Olmedo